Sunday, June 11, 2006

have you missed me??

I haven't been anywhere, I've just been busy this week.
That interview I had the day before I left for Ireland? The one I thought I'd bombed because I was a total and complete spaz? I did get the position so I've spent the past week training for that as well as trying to finish up the projects for my current position. I'm nowhere near having them completed.
Then theres also been some stress from my car accident from back in February. I'm not going to comment on it because there may be pending litigation.
Also, my sister miscarried this week. I know that its for the best because she is in absolutely no position to be a mother at this time. There is a lot in her life that she needs to clean up before she can even think of being a mother, but at the same time there is the sense of loss. I talked to her yesterday and she knows that its for the best and is honestly a bit relieved but at the same time shes disappointed and also feeling a little guilty over feeling relieved. I'm in the same position in that I know its for the best, she has addiction and responsibility issues that she needs to straighten out before she can start a family, and I'm relieved that she won't be bringing a child into the middle of all of that, but at the same time I'm disappointed. That was my niece or nephew.

Yesterday, I helped a friend move. I didn't contribute much because my back (see above statement) and knee are messed up so I mainly picked up the beer and coffee before hand and carried light weight items such as yarn stash and empty cd racks.
My knees been giving me problems ever since Ireland. I've had knee problems for years in that my kneecap is unstable and when the knee is bent the kneecap tends to track outwards instead of tracking straight. In Ireland while at the Guinness Brewery at their 7th floor Gravity Bar (which is all glass with gorgeous panoramic views of the Dublin area and the Wicklow Mountains) I got in line to take the elevator down. The woman in front of me in line was afraid of heights and on the verge of a panic attack. Since the elevators are all glass I figured it wouldnt get any better in there and I didnt want to be in the elevator with her if she had a panic attack so I took the stairs. Down all 7 floors. My left knee has been giving me problems ever since. Its gone between feeling weak and the tendons feeling strained ever since then and that was two and a half weeks ago. I know, I need to make an appointment to get in with my doctor. I'm just putting that off as much as I possibly can. I really don't want to deal with going to see my primary doctor, having to get a referral to an orthopedist, all of that stuff. I went through all of that a few years ago, went through the physical therapy (which only made it worse) and when I finallly got to see an orthopedic surgeon he essentially said I was too fat and wouldn't do anything. When I pointed out that as my knee has gotten worse my physical activity has been reduced resulting in me putting on more weight his response was "you're stuck between a rock and a hard place" and essentially said that he wouldn't see me again until I'd lost a significant amount of weight. I was in tears by the time I left his office. He had no bedside manner at all. I have new health coverage now, through a different medical group so I will have to start the process all over again beginning with meeting with my primary care physician. I'm not looking forward to it, probably afraid that I'll encounter the same lack of empathy that I did with the orthopedic surgeon I saw a few years ago.

OH, and, um... its only 75 days until I say "Adios" to my 20's.


Tanya Kristine said...

knee problems suck. i wonder how that lady did on the elevator.

congrats on the job! and sorry about your sister; but, life has a funny way of takingcare of things. sounds exactly like my situation when i was 19. and i was relieved. and to this day, still am.

i hope you feel better!

Shauna said...

You totally should have taken the elevator. That would have made a much more interesting blog entry than knee problems. :p

My knee has actually been acting similar to yours for a while now, but I've been too afraid to go see a doctor because I remember you telling me this story the first time you went. Ugh.

Tanya Kristine said...

and Esthetics by Jeanette is wherei gt my massages. they are FABULOUS!

on Butano...

Shananigans said...

Sorry about you knee and the stuff with your sister. Hope it all works out for the best *hugs*