Something Entertaining

So, I need to put something up here thats a little less depressing. Something light hearted. Something entertaining.

Here is the story about how my mother C-blocked me about a month or so ago.
Yes, you did read that correctly. My very own mother C-blocked me.

About a week or so after Thanksgiving I call my mom on my way home from work and she is out drinking with a friend. They originally met for lunch and had a couple of margaritas and then moved along to a local bar for gin and tonics. I could tell my the slur in her voice that she is in NO shape to drive home so I head towards Folsom to pick her up.

It was FREEZING cold and I was desperately trying to get my mom to leave when her friend felt it was necessary to get another round of drinks. I go inside to help her carry the drinks and when I come out theres a guy named Dan sitting at our table and my mom is holding her hand up to him. I had noticed him before - we'd briefly chatted and he'd bummed a smoke off of me. I'd noticed that he was cute it a slightly uptight conservative kind of way, but whatever. I figured he was coming from work or something himself.

Dan: Um. She said I needed to sit down and.... release my negative energy?
Mom: Yes. I'm picking up on some negative energy from you, you need to release that. Why are you angry?
Dan: Um. Im not angry.
Mom: What are you mad about
Dan: Um, I'm not mad
Mom: What are you afraid of? fear is a negative energy too
Dan: Im... I'm not afraid
Mom: Did you get in a fight with someone today? An argument with someone? A coworker? Your parents?
Dan: Nooo
Mom: Did you just break up with your girlfriend? Are you hurt about that? What happened?
Dan: Um. I broke up with my girlfriend about 7 or 8 months ago?
Mom: I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT! Tell us about it

and it went from there. My mom and her friend attacked him, badgering him about what he could do to get back together with his ex-girlfriend and so on and so on.

The part that REALLY got me was that several times in the midst of telling him how he should get back together with his ex, she said

"You seem like a nice guy! I'd introduce you to my daughter here!"

Trust me, it was a struggle to not
A: scream "Shut the F up then and let US talk!
or
B: "accidentally" knock her 7th (thats right, 7th...) gin & tonic into her lap.

But, I kept my cool and just sat there silently.

The only satisfaction I got out of the whole night was that my mother had a hangover for about 2 days afterwards. Unfortunately, she also projectile vomited all over the passenger side of my car. I found out that those map pockets on car doors can do double duty as vomit basins.

Sigh. He was cute. I wonder if he would mind hanging out with a woman who's mother is looney and prone to drunken vomiting.

After stewing on this for a while, I posted the story on Craigslist Missed Connections. What can I say? He was cute.