my Christmas Cheer is missing.
I USED to be one of those annoying people.
The day after Thanksgiving I didnt take the day off to go shopping... I would go to work and spend the day decorating my cubicle for Christmas. I participated in the office cookie exchanges, the Secret Santas, all of that stuff. However, I never went as far as to wear the tacky Christmas sweaters and jingle bells. I’d have my holiday shopping done early and would spend the extra time making personalized gifts for my favorite neighbors and coworkers: ornaments, scented bath salts, cookies, fudge... whatever.
The last few years though, I can’t get into my holiday groove.
The first year that it happened, I understand why. My grandfather had died a couple of months before hand and I did not handle that loss very well. He had, and still does, meant so much to me that I was afraid that if I started crying over his death I wouldn’t be able to stop. As a result, I jsut kinda went numb. For a LONG time. I went through the motions of that holiday season, minus some of my usual traditions. I didn’t decorate, I didn’t make personalized gifts for everyone. I did make some special items for my neighbors who had helped us so much after my grandfather had his first stroke and after he died but other than that I was numb.
I did eventually come to terms with my grandpas death, but since then I still can’t seem to get into the holiday spirit. I’m enjoying the holiday season, especially watching my little 5 year old cousin, Janae, get excited about Santa coming. Other than that, I’m not feeling it.
I’m trying to force myself into the holiday spirit. I’ve decorated my cubicle, I’ve made a good portion of my gifts, joined some of my coworkers in adopting a needy family and am participating in the office Secret Santa. With all of this, I’m doing a little better than the past couple of years but I’m still not back to my usual seasonal self.
I wonder if this is something that will pass. If I will regain my Christmas Cheer. I miss feeling the magic of Christmas, the giving spirit and the kindness that so many people seem to acquire this time of year.
I can only hope so.