Thursday, October 09, 2008

An EmbarASSing Story...

Today I was reminded of an embarassing situation I got myself into a few years ago.

To preface for this, I should say that I just completed my fourth week of Weight Watchers. I've been doing okay so far and have lost a total of 12.4 pounds - not too bad, but I'd still like to see the weight come off faster, who wouldn't like to see the weight come off quicker, right?
Although I do have to admit that I haven't been the most diligent on following the plan exactly.
I've had slip ups - the night at the pub here & there (math gets hard after a couple pints of Newcastle, and WW is all about counting points), friends visiting from out of town, the usual life events popping up.
I've been making modifications to my eating habits, and whenever I make changes to my diet my body decides to change how its going to process said diet, if you know what I'm sayin'.
So, my body has recently decided that this decline in my fat and caloric intake was going to result in it STOPPING from processing everything and I found myself in the supplement aisle of my local discount department store where I discovered this.
I tried it today and can give it an astounding thumbs up. It does its job without any humiliating side effects.
Unlike a supplement I tried a few years ago.
The last time I did Weight Watchers, which was five years ago, I had the same reaction to the change in my diet. Now, I've never really gotten the concept of "less is more". I've always thought "thats a load of bull. More is more, obviously. Its right there in the phrasing MORE IS MORE".
So, when things came to a screeching halt did I go in search of a simple supplement?
When perusing the shelves at the drug store did I think "Oh, heres the gentle womens formula! Perfect, since I am a woman after all!"
I thought "Extra-super-duper-get-the-job-done-NOW" BINGO, we have a winner!!!
I bought the extra strength formula, went home and read the packaging and paid special attention to the time frame that it typically takes to kick in. I don't recall exactly, but I believe it was supposed to take something like anywhere between three and twelve hours to achieve the desired results. So, I took the extra strength supplement at work the next day during the late afternoon with the thought that it would kick in after I got home, but before I went to bed that evening.
It never happened.
I went to bed thinking that it would kick in when I woke up in the morning.

Part way through the night I'm awoken by what I think are gunshots.. or maybe a car backfiring. I jumped straight up in bed thinking "What the EFF?!?!?!?!???" I sat up, not hearing anything further, and went back to sleep.
A little bit later I'm awoken again, sitting straight up in bed, by the same gunshot sounds. This time I realized something... I was not being awoken by gunshots, or a car backfiring, there weren't even hooligans lighting M80's in my backyard.
Yes, I was being woken up during the night by the explosive sound of my own ass.
The extra-strength-super-duper laxative was not doing its job, it was only giving me explosive flatulence.

There you have it - one of my most humiliating, yet still hilarious, stories to tell about myself... and its about gas.
The twelve year old boy in me thinks its hysterical.

1 comment:

Jesse Harris said...

At least you were woken up by the sound and not the smell.