Should "Fatties" Get a Voice?

The entire blogosphere is in an uproar over the recent article by Maura Kelly on Marie Claires website.

If you have not read it already, please take a few moments to do so.

A lot of people are quite upset with Ms. Kelly right now. I've read a number of blog entries, and subsequent comments, revealing her home address and phone number because people are so angry with her for voicing her opinion.

I will say right now that vilifying someone for their personal opinion is NOT okay. I'm not saying that I'm completely innocent in that regard, I've had my own moments of knee jerk reactions to certain topics and have lambasted someone for their opinion, but I will say that publicizing someones home address, and/or phone number, is not okay with me and if by some chance it is done via my blog, I will immediately delete your comment.

Now, on to my own personal diatribe....

I have never hidden the fact that I am overweight. By any standard I would be considered morbidly obese. I recognize this and I offer zero apologies for it. However, I do not expect every person on this planet to find my physical appearance to be "aesthetically pleasing." I have struggled with my own weight. When I've battled it, I've literally starved myself to get to a size 12 - and when I've accepted it, I've worked as a plus sized model in a size 14.

A persons weight is a personal issue. I may be the size that I am because of genetics, because of poor personal choices, or because of physical limitations. Does it really matter what the reason is? If I am the size I am because of a genetic disorder rather than poor personal choices does that have an affect upon how aesthetically pleasing someone finds me to be? No.

I want to clarify, in case I haven't already, that I feel no ill will towards Ms. Kelly. She has been open about her own issues of body dysmorphia, her own struggles with anorexia, her own challenges regarding her weight and body issues. While it may sound like she has her personal issue under control, and I say that with very little certainty since I don't know her, I believe that she is at least still projecting her feelings regarding weight onto others.

Where I feel contempt is towards the editors of Marie Claire magazine.

Many years ago I was the news editor for my college newspaper. I never went into that position jockeying for it, eyeing for a career in journalism. I simply turned in my assignments, unbiased, pre-edited, and was given the position because of my performance. However, I assumed the position of news editor and exercised it to the best of my ability. I edited the articles submitted by other writers. I corrected typos and blatant grammatical errors, and when an article came my way that was blatantly biased and prejudiced, I returned it to the writer and told them that it was unacceptable.

Editors hold a position of responsibility; not only of ensuring that their writers are completing their assignments, but also of ensuring that the articles published are of an acceptable material for their audience. Editors are in the position they are in because they, supposedly, have proven that they know their audience and what is expected of a writer of their genre. Ms Kelly's editor fell short of their duties. While Ms Kelly is entitled to her opinion, her editor is in the position to go back to her and say "The average American woman is at least overweight, if not obese. We can not alienate our market. Please rewrite."
This should have been an especially obvious revelation considering the public reaction to the nude photo of Lizzi Miller in Glamour magazine in 2009.

For those who do not know, Lizzi Miller was featured, practically nude!, in the September 2009 issue of Glamour magazine. Upon publication, Glamours editor-in-chief received emails saying things such as "I am gasping with delight...I love the woman on p 194!"

Lizzi Millers photo IS beautiful. Yes, she wears a size 12-14, BUT Glamours audience found her to be "Gorgeous!" and I agree. Lizzi IS gorgeous. Looking at her photo, she has what you could describe as "rolls," she has a stomach - a "pooch," she has stretch marks, and most importantly, she has a beautiful smile and a radiance about her.

Todays woman is many sizes. She is thin and waif like. She is athletic. She is curvy. She is voluptuous. And, yes, she can be obese; even morbidly so.
BUT, todays woman is also many other things. She is a mother. She is a professional. She is a homemaker. She is girlfriend, a wife, a lover. She is a sister. She is a cousin. She is an aunt. She is a reader and a consumer. She may very well be a subscriber to Marie Claire magazine.
It is because of this that the editors of Marie Claire hold the responsibility that their articles do not offend their audience.
Their audience is a that of a growingly large population - both literally, and figuratively. As we increasingly become a nation of diversity, products which depend upon us for success hold the responsibility of not alienating us - whether we're waif like, athletic, curvy, voluptuous, or obese.

To get back to Ms Kelly.
In short, I feel sorry for her. She projected her bias onto the general public, and now she will most likely feel the professional ramifications. I feel sorry for her because while it sounds like her personal demons regarding weight have been reigned in, it does not sound as though they have been silenced.
I feel sorry for her because she will, most likely, constantly feel the pull to go to the gym rather than to go for a night out with her girlfriends. I doubt that Ms Kelly will ever feel the freedom of enjoying who she is, regardless of those few extra pounds. I doubt that she will ever be nude with a man for the first time and not feel ashamed of that fold at her hip. I doubt that she will ever not be aware of the crease of her breast. I doubt that she will ever accept that dimple of cellulite on the back of her thigh.

It is because of that that I feel sorry for her.

There is a freedom that comes with accepting who you are, and who every woman is,... every single god forsaking pound of it.

When you accept that last pound, that last roll, that last fold, that last crease, and that last dimple, there is a liberation. A liberation that allows you to enjoy life. A liberation that allows you to take off for Italy rather than join a gym. A liberation that allows you to have another glass of wine with your friends instead of running around a track for an hour. A liberation that allows you to love yourself, and others, because of your flaws rather than in spite of them.

I hope that Ms Kelly is able to, one day, find that peace, acceptance, and love within herself. It took a LONG time, but I was eventually able to find it, and I have never ever ever been happier.

Vanessa

Dilemma

I've been on Weight Watchers for about four months now.
I've had some success, not a tremendous amount but some.
In the meantime, I've been spending $40 per month for the Weight Watchers membership. With that $40 I can attend meetings whenever I want, and use all of the online resources - community message boards, online weight tracker, recipe builder, stuff like that.
Out of all of those resources, the only thing I do actually use is the weekly meetings... and I'm not too thrilled about those. The "leader" we have is nice, but I just don't find the meetings to be all that engaging. To be completely honest, half of the time the meetings thoroughly piss me off. Now, I understand that if you're going into a meeting with at least a dozen other people who are trying to lose weight, there are going to be people who have issues with their relationship towards food.
There will be people who may not overeat, but just don't make the wisest choices in regards to what types of food they put into their body. These will be the people who eat regular meals, but maybe those meals don't have a proper nutritional balance - they may be to carb or fat heavy and are lacking in lean protein, fiber, whole grains and vegetables. Those are the people who need to put more focus on the quality of their food as opposed to the quantity. Those are the people who may not have a problem with passing over food when they aren't truly hungry. I believe that this is the category that I fall into.
What I've benefited from Weight Watchers in the past four months is that I've been reminded of how to make healthier choices... to chose baked over fried, to increase the vegetables and lean protein in my diet, to chose healthier fats such as olive oil and skim milk. I'm not saying that I make these healthier choices all of the time, but I'm trying - undoing a lifetime of poor choices is not going to happen overnight, theres going to be a learning curve and a transition phase. However, I know the basics and am on my way there.

My dilemma at this point is that I really don't want to attend the meetings any longer. I am bored beyond belief during the 45 minutes that I'm there, counting down the minutes until I can leave, and getting angry when the meeting goes over the scheduled time. Since I know the basics at this point that I can continue with implementing them into my daily life on my own. I have the resources to make educated choices, and have the motivation (more in a moment...) to continue with the weight loss.

Also, theres other things I could do with that $40 each month. Like, join a gym.
I can get a discounted gym membership through my work to 24 Hour Fitness for less than $40 each month.

I've got motivation to continue losing weight, and motivation to start working out more.
The weight loss motivation is my cousin Carries wedding. At the end of August I'm going to be a bridesmaid in her wedding, and this is the dress I'll be wearing:


You see how I'm going to need to try to tone my arms up a bit for that?

The motivation to start exercising more is the 3-day, 60 mile, breast cancer walk I'm planning on participating in this fall. I've got a lot of training to do if I'm seriously going to complete this walk without killing myself.
I've also gotten the idea in my head that I NEED to hike the Inca Trail to Machu Picchu. I think I got this idea when I found roundtrip airfare from San Francisco to Lima Peru for $409 this May. I don't want to go to Peru and NOT see Machu Picchu, but I also know that I am not in the physical shape that the hike would demand. While everything I've read says that the hike is not that challenging as far as the terrain is concerned, the altitude is what makes it demanding. In order to successfully complete the hike I would need to train for it physically, at high elevations as well as on a stair master. I would love to be able to go to Peru and complete this goal next April - thats the tail end of the "wet" season and right before the crowded tourist season begins.

So, what should I do?
Stick with Weight Watchers and go to the dreaded meetings each week, or drop it, continue the better eating habits on my own, and join a gym?
Historically, I have done better with weight loss when I've gone to the gym and worked out and am hoping that doing that again would help to boost my currently sluggish metabolism.
Let me know your opinion in the poll on the left.
Also, let me know what you think of the dress!

A Belated Happy New Year

2008 was a good year.

I was able to visit London for a week in April and then in August some friends and I went camping in Fort Bragg.
That was the extent of my travel for 2008. It may not have been as extensive as 2007 when I visited Oregon, Germany, France, Salt Lake City, and Italy, but it was just as enjoyable. My fair skin and curly hair agree with the misty climates of the British Isles and the Northern California coastal regions. My demeanor also agrees with pints of Guinness in an authentic pub and cocktails around campfires -- both with good friends, of course.

Now, for the big question... What are my New Years resolutions?
This is a tricky one. I was considering not doing any resolutions at all because a year can sometimes seem like a long time and I've got the attention span of an oh look! Something shiny!
Truth be told, typically at the beginning of the year I will come up with resolutions, and within just a couple of weeks I've completely forgotten what they were.
I've decided that this year I"m not going to come up with resolutions for the year. Instead, I am going to have an "action plan" (by the way, I hate that phrase -- SO corporate employee improvement oriented. If you can think of a better term, please let me know) for each week. I will have things to accomplish during the week that are aimed at more long term goals... baby steps towards the bigger picture.
This weeks baby steps:
1. Go for a walk - simple enough, right? I plan on doing the 3-day, 60 mile, breast cancer walk next fall. I'd better start working towards it. This Saturday is the perfect opportunity, some friends are part of a running/walking training group and they're getting up Saturday to go running/walking along the American River at the butt crack of dawn. Also known as 8:30 am. I typically sleep in until about 10, if not later, on the weekends. This will probably be physically painful for me.
2. Work on my ongoing computer issues - a temporary resolution may be right around the corner! Not the resolution I'd like, but possibly something to get me by for a bit.
3. Get back on track with Weight Watchers. Around Halloween at some point I stopped journaling and keeping track of points and everything but have continued to loosely (very loosely) follow the plan and have been up and down since then. Since I'm paying monthly fees for this program I should be using it properly, right?
4. Resurrect my travel blog. I started 2008 pretty well on that thing, at least for the first two months, then things just kind of petered off. I'm going to be getting it back on track for 2009 though. I've already uploaded some photos from my London trip.
5. Take 5 usable photographs. I'd like to elaborate on this.... but can't yet. Top secret project in the works.

Thats pretty much it on this weeks task list. I'll let you know how they work out.

On a side note:
OH. MY. GOD. I want this and I am not ashamed to admit it. Okay, maybe I am just a little bit ashamed. But only a little.

An EmbarASSing Story...

Today I was reminded of an embarassing situation I got myself into a few years ago.

To preface for this, I should say that I just completed my fourth week of Weight Watchers. I've been doing okay so far and have lost a total of 12.4 pounds - not too bad, but I'd still like to see the weight come off faster, who wouldn't like to see the weight come off quicker, right?
Although I do have to admit that I haven't been the most diligent on following the plan exactly.
I've had slip ups - the night at the pub here & there (math gets hard after a couple pints of Newcastle, and WW is all about counting points), friends visiting from out of town, the usual life events popping up.
I've been making modifications to my eating habits, and whenever I make changes to my diet my body decides to change how its going to process said diet, if you know what I'm sayin'.
So, my body has recently decided that this decline in my fat and caloric intake was going to result in it STOPPING from processing everything and I found myself in the supplement aisle of my local discount department store where I discovered this.
I tried it today and can give it an astounding thumbs up. It does its job without any humiliating side effects.
Unlike a supplement I tried a few years ago.
The last time I did Weight Watchers, which was five years ago, I had the same reaction to the change in my diet. Now, I've never really gotten the concept of "less is more". I've always thought "thats a load of bull. More is more, obviously. Its right there in the phrasing MORE IS MORE".
So, when things came to a screeching halt did I go in search of a simple supplement?
No.
When perusing the shelves at the drug store did I think "Oh, heres the gentle womens formula! Perfect, since I am a woman after all!"
Nope.
I thought "Extra-super-duper-get-the-job-done-NOW" BINGO, we have a winner!!!
I bought the extra strength formula, went home and read the packaging and paid special attention to the time frame that it typically takes to kick in. I don't recall exactly, but I believe it was supposed to take something like anywhere between three and twelve hours to achieve the desired results. So, I took the extra strength supplement at work the next day during the late afternoon with the thought that it would kick in after I got home, but before I went to bed that evening.
It never happened.
I went to bed thinking that it would kick in when I woke up in the morning.

Part way through the night I'm awoken by what I think are gunshots.. or maybe a car backfiring. I jumped straight up in bed thinking "What the EFF?!?!?!?!???" I sat up, not hearing anything further, and went back to sleep.
A little bit later I'm awoken again, sitting straight up in bed, by the same gunshot sounds. This time I realized something... I was not being awoken by gunshots, or a car backfiring, there weren't even hooligans lighting M80's in my backyard.
Yes, I was being woken up during the night by the explosive sound of my own ass.
The extra-strength-super-duper laxative was not doing its job, it was only giving me explosive flatulence.

There you have it - one of my most humiliating, yet still hilarious, stories to tell about myself... and its about gas.
The twelve year old boy in me thinks its hysterical.

Third Times a Charm???

So, last Wednesday I bit the bullet and joined Weight Watchers. AGAIN.
Its worked for me in the past, then I went completely off plan and gained back all of the weight that I had lost (and then some).
When I went off plan last time I gained back some, but not a whole heck of a lot at first. I really gained it all back when I started hanging out at the pub more often. I'm starting to wonder if there might be a connection there.
Yes, this is my third attempt at Weight Watchers. Well, not really. It's my third attempt in my ADULT life. My mom put me on WW for the first time when I was 10 years old (5th grade) and again when I was 13 (8th grade). So, if you really want to get technical this would be the fifth attempt.
The first time I did WW (as an adult) was 5 years ago, and I had a pretty good support system. I went on Saturday mornings with my cousin and my oldest friend. It was something that the three of us looked forward to, a way to get us out of the house early on a Saturday morning and really kick off the weekend.
Now, my life is such that I often have social commitments on weekends, or I may be traveling, hopefully photographing a wedding, or something along those lines. Okay, I'll be honest, theres also a possibility that I could be recovering from Friday night and can't imagine dragging my butt out of bed to go to a Weight Watchers meeting.
This time, instead of Saturday morning I'm going to meetings on Wednesday evening, again with my cousin Erin.
So far I'm doing okay at staying on plan. I figure I'll just follow the food plan for a couple of months, see how I do at losing the weight just by making food modifications. Then, when I hit a big plateau, I'll start to incorporate some sort of exercise or fitness routine.

Random Cooper update, I had the following text message conversation with my cousin Erin this evening:

Me: Cooper randomly runs laps ON my bed as though hes being chased by evangelical missionaries.

Erin: Why would they chase him?

Me: To convert him from his heathen ways. He likes to play with yarn and womens panties. They figure he needs saving.

She never replied after that.