Friday, June 30, 2006


With everything going on, is it really any suprise that I havent been sleeping much this week?
I've always been a "night owl" with tendencies to stay up until at least midnight regardless of how exhausted I am, but once asleep I always sleep through the night and then have a hard time getting up in the morning. Its as though my body refuses to comply to the standard 8 am to 5 pm workday.
This past week I've been staying up until about 1:30 am each night, then toss and turn for somewhere around half an hour before falling asleep. On top of that, I then wake up around 3:30 am. I've found that if I take a hot bath I can then get a little more sleep before I have to get up at 6:45 am, but overall the lack of sleep this week is wearing on me.
The past two days I've also had a constant headache that does not go away despite popping numerous forms of tylenol, aspirin, and other remedies.

I talked to my dad today. He thinks its pointless for me to try to go visit grandma at this point. After hospice visited yesterday afternoon he and my grandpa went to look at making "arrangements" this morning. At this time, dad said that he thinks I may be best off waiting until mid to late next week at which point I could very likely be flying up for services.

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Moms doing well. She came home yesterday and seems to be recovering MUCH better than she did when she had angioplasty 3 years ago.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006


It never ends.

My mom had her angiogram this morning. While she was in having the procedure done I sat in the waiting room with her new boyfriend and knitted. I did not grill the new boyfriend, I figured thats her business, not mine. Lets just say that from what I've heard I think he's married and my mom is "the other woman". His story is that he's divorced, but still lives with his "ex" wife. My mom says that the ex wife had some sort of accident that has left her partially disabled and he promised their kids (I don't know how old the kids are) that he'd always take care of her. Yep, sounds like he's still married to me. Anyways...
She gets out of the angiogram and the Dr comes to tell me that theyre going to transport her to another hospital for an angioplasty because she has a 99% blockage in one artery and another artery is narrowing so they may be doing a balloon procedure on that. So, I go home and grab a quick bite while shes transported to the other hospital, then visit her for a while before they do the procedure this evening.
After she goes in for the angioplasty I see that I have a voicemail from dad. His mom is the grandma of mine in Oregon with lung cancer that I've been visiting a lot lately. Evidently, she decided to stop chemotherapy treatments over a month ago but didnt say anything to anyone. I can understand this. That was her decision to make, she's the one who's been going through chemo for damn near two years, she's the one to decide her treatment and course of action. Nobody else. Anyways, since stopping chemotherapy she's been under hospice care and has gone downhill. Theyre thinking she has about 1 good week left where she'll have recognition of people. Maybe two weeks. Overall, the hospice nurses are thinking she has a month total.
I need to get up there to see her, but I'm broke until payday. On top of that, I have my mom to take care of now.
I went back to the hospital after her angioplasty and she made it through the procedure fine, but they ended up having to put in 4 stents to help with her arteries. She'll most likely be discharged some time Wednesday.
How am I dealing with all of this? I'm drinking my way through it. I had 4 beers at the pub and stopped to buy a 6 pack of hard lemonade on my way home.
3 down, 3 to go.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006


Well, the car problems may not be as bad as I thought.
The other night I had my uncle drive it and he doesnt think its my transmission. He seems to think its either a filter or sensor that needs to be replaced. Or at least thats what we're hoping.
Tonight I'll be taking my car to my service guy and Wednesday he'll run the full diagnostic on it to see if thats the problem or if I'm starting to have issues with the transmission.
Best case scenario - $200 or less for the sensor or filter. If thats the issue, I'll just have it fixed and continue to save up for the new car that will inevitably be needed.
Worst case scenario - $2,000 for a new transmission. If thats the case, I'll just suck it up now and find a new car.
What does everyone think of the Honda Element?

In bigger news, Im taking my mom for her angiogram later this morning.
When she had her heart attack 3 years ago, she had 4 blockages - 2 major and 2 minor.
The 2 major blockages were cleared out with angioplasty. The Dr's determined that the 2 minor blockages wouldn't be able to be removed via angioplasty, but that they would require open heart surgery and that the open heart surgery would present a larger risk than the blockages themselves. My fear is that those 2 minor blockages have grown to present an issue large enough to require open heart surgery. Of course, this is just my fear talking. I'm hoping nothing that invasive will be required.
Also, I'll be getting to meet my moms new boyfriend today. I'll be grilling him while she's in having the angiogram done. My moms not the best judge of character when it comes to men. She's the type who tends to let the potential for romance cloud over everything else and with what I've heard of him, theres already at least one major red flag screaming in her face that she's over looking. I'll see what I can find out.
While grilling him I'll also be working on a new knitting project. Its going to be a felted bag for my mom. I'm not following a pattern this time, sort of designing it myself but it is heavily influenced by some of the felted bags I was working on last winter. I'm keeping track of the "pattern" I'm developing and if it turns out well, I'll write it up and post it here for everyone later.

On top of all of that, my mom found out this morning that my sister and her boyfriend are moving back from Oregon and their bus will be arriving today. Just in time to stress the hell out of my mom as soon as she gets home from the angiogram. perfect.
Just to give some background, my sister is a very high strung individual naturally and on top of that she has some addiction issues. She can be a lot to take sometimes. Hell, she's a lot to take most of the time.

Friday, June 23, 2006

Perfect Timing....

last night I decide that I'm not going to get a new car for now. I figured that I'd be best off to keep this one until it dies on me so that I can have a bit longer to save up a larger down payment so that I won't have to finance as much or pay as much interest.
This morning on the way to work, my transmission goes out on me.
I no longer have a 3rd gear and 2nd gear is questionable.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Lifes full of disappointments.

I'm not getting the convertible.
Consumer Reports didnt have very good ratings for it. Especially on customer satisfaction, fuel economy (lower than what the EPA estimates are), and depriciation.
I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I've looked at a Honda Civic - I know that those are reliable and get excellent gas mileage (I would save $175 a month on the fuel alone) I'm just having second thoughts.
Part of me says I shouldnt get a new car yet, that I should drive my Ford until its dead BUT the thing is 11 years old with almost 170,000 miles. I'm not sure how much longer its going to last.

Other than that, things are going pretty shitty.
Theres too much to go into but one of the worst is that I have to take my mom to have an angiogram next Tuesday. She had a heart attack 3 years ago and it looks like some more blockages have formed so we have to find out where and how badly.
One of the more frivolous is that I was trying to arrange a camping trip with some friends to a cabin my family has at Shasta Lake. Its a beautiful place, very remote - boat access only, no electricity but with running water (heated by propane tanks you carry in), the perfect place to go to relax and have a great time with friends. I talked to my dad this past Sunday to see if I could use the cabin and we agreed upon a weekend where he would be up there during the week before hand and leaving on a Friday so my friends and I could show up Friday to take over the place so the boat would already be there and everything would be set up and ready to go. Last night I call dear old dad to confirm the weekend before I officially invite any friends and he's backing out of it saying that I don't know how to tow a boat and I'd better talk to all of my friends to find out who has what kind of boating experience and report back to him so that he can think it over. I reminded him that he was going to be there the week before hand so there would be no need to tow a boat or launch a boat or get one out of the water. He brushed me off. Its something so frivolous, but at the same time I am genuinely disappointed in him once again failing to follow through on something he's said.
Maybe I'm just being oversensitive about this one issue because theres so much other crap going on right now and this is just the easiest thing to get upset over.
Theres a part of me that just wants to pack up and move far far away somewhere to escape all of the bull shit thats going on.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

The Pros, and The Cons

thanks to everyone for bringing up the pro's and cons... I've already thought them over... I have taken gas mileage and insurance into consideration with the new vehicle, and heres the breakdown:

*Better gas mileage. I'd save almost $100 per month over what I'm spending on gas in my current behemoth
*The drivetrain is still under factory warranty for another 5 years and 54,000 miles
*maintenance, my current SUV is starting to have lots of little things going wrong with it. The thing is 11 years old and has almost 170,000 miles. I'm thinking its just a matter of time before I start having MAJOR problems with it.
*convertible top would allow me to tan my right arm as well as my left

*Insurance. there is a SLIGHT insurance increase, but its very minimal. Only about $15 dollars a month. I was suprised by this, but I guess because the Sebring is a 4 seater as opposed to a 2 seater, its classified as a sedan rather than a sports car.
*Having a car payment again. I paid my car off in January and it was nice to have it paid off for the past 5 months.

really, those are the only cons I can think of.
I don't NEED an SUV, so losing the space isn't a drawback. Actually, its more of a benefit because anyone who knows me knows that I allow way too much crap to accumulate in the back of my SUV. With the convertible, I wouldn't be able to do that.

I am doing a lot of research on the car, I'm not going to go into something like this blind and make an impulse purchase. I want to be aware of consumer satisfaction, ratings, reviews, all of that.

Monday, June 19, 2006

I Made A H-U-G-E Mistake....

I test drove the convertible Saturday morning.
It is a niiiiiiiiiiiice ride!
Is it possible to love a car?
I think this could be "THE one"! I think we could really have a future together.
I'm leaning more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more towards getting it.
It's still a lot to think over though.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

excuses, excuses....

With my recent string of luck I've begun to think a few different things....

1. Its only a matter of time before I'm in another accident and my car is TOTALED since the KBB is so low on it now.

2. Maybe my car is jinxed or cursed or has a hex upon it, or something along those lines because I had my first accident a month after I got the thing & its been nonstop ever since.

so, last night I decide to browse the website of a local dealership where a family friend is the service manager. He's been a friend of the family for as long as I've been alive (if not a tad longer) so he's hooked us up with some pretty sweet deals over the years.
I'm hoping he can get me a deal on this one:

Its sporty. It says so on the window!

I called to ask him to look in to it and he immediately knew which car I was talking about and started in "that car is GORGEOUS!!!!!!!"
and a perk? it gets much much much better gas mileage than what I have now.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

If it wasn't for bad luck....

I'd have no luck at all.

So, while I'm still settling my claim with super crappy insurance company from the woman who rear ended me back in February, guess what happens to me on the way to work this morning?
Yep, rear ended AGAIN.
This time it was barely more than a tap, no visible damage to my car OR that of the woman who hit me. I just can not believe my luck. This makes the 4th time in less than 5 years that I've been rear ended.
Just for clarification, none of these times have I cut any one off or slammed on my brakes. Every single time I have been sitting at a red light or a stop sign.

How much do you think it would cost to take a taxi everywhere?

Monday, June 12, 2006

iPod Shuffle

The way it works:
1. Put your iPod on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question.

How am I feeling today?
Gee Baby, Ain't I Good To You by Diana Krall

Will I get far in life?
Spending Money by Jimmy Buffett (thats it. I'm starting that Roth...)

How do my friends see me?
Band On The Run by Paul McCartney

When will I get married?
All I'm Thinkin' About by Bruce Springsteen (ummm.... no?)

What is my best friend's theme song?
The Chicken Sangwich The Heckler and The Kabbash by Dane Cook (hahahahaha! and yes, I do have comedians routines on my ipod))

What is the story of my life?
Biloxi by Jimmy Buffett

What was high school like?
Buenos Aires by Madonna (Crap! I was in Evita my junior year!)

How am I going to get ahead in life?
I'm Coming Out by Diana Ross (I've got to show the world all that I wanna be and all my abilities... this is true))

What is the best thing about me?
When The Heartache Is Over by Tina Turner

How is today going to be?
I Will Buy You A New Life by Everclear

What is in store for this weekend?
I Finally Found Someone by Barbra Streisand with Bryan Adams (seriously???)

What song describes my parents?
Nadine by Art's Missing Finger (a local Sacramento group that is no longer)

What song describes your grandparents?
Another Suitcase In Another Hall by Madonna and Antonio Banderas (not really - this ones about a brief affair and my grandparents had been married for 52 years when he passed)

How is my life going?
The Prayer by josh Groban

What song will they play at my funeral?
Work It (Remix feat 50Cent) by Missy Elliott (hell yes!!!!)

How does the world see me?
Bridge Over Troubled Water by Aretha Franklin (great)

Will I have a happy life?
Fade Away by Chris Isaak

What do my friends really think of me?
As If We Never Said Goodbye by Barbra Streisand

Do people secretly lust after me?
Hard Hearted Hannah by Banu Gibson

How can I make myself happy?
This Joint Is Jumpin by Banu Gibson (I do adore Banu and she is playing in Southern California later this year. Perhaps two of her songs in a row is a sign....)

What should I do with my life?
Waterloo by ABBA (what? I don't get this)

Will I ever have children?
Sleigh Ride by Barenaked Ladies (again... what??)

What is some good advice for me?
Peace Train by 10,000 Maniacs (good advice for anyone!)

What is my signature dancing song?
Coffee Shop by Red Hot Chili Peppers

What do I think my current theme song is?
Some Of These Days by Cab Calloway

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
So It Shall Be by k.d. lang

What type of men/women do you like?
The Joker by the Steve Miller Band

What kind of kisser are you?
Dancing With A Stranger by Cyndi Lauper

What's your style?
You Call It Madness by Diana Krall (HA!!!)

What kind of lover are you?
Ring Of Fire by Joaquin Phoenix (I'm not sure if this is a good or bad thing....)

What would be playing on a first date?
Marriage by Margaret Cho (ummmm.... no)

Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
What A Waste by Jonathan Pryce from Miss Saigon (noooooo!!!!)

Sunday, June 11, 2006

have you missed me??

I haven't been anywhere, I've just been busy this week.
That interview I had the day before I left for Ireland? The one I thought I'd bombed because I was a total and complete spaz? I did get the position so I've spent the past week training for that as well as trying to finish up the projects for my current position. I'm nowhere near having them completed.
Then theres also been some stress from my car accident from back in February. I'm not going to comment on it because there may be pending litigation.
Also, my sister miscarried this week. I know that its for the best because she is in absolutely no position to be a mother at this time. There is a lot in her life that she needs to clean up before she can even think of being a mother, but at the same time there is the sense of loss. I talked to her yesterday and she knows that its for the best and is honestly a bit relieved but at the same time shes disappointed and also feeling a little guilty over feeling relieved. I'm in the same position in that I know its for the best, she has addiction and responsibility issues that she needs to straighten out before she can start a family, and I'm relieved that she won't be bringing a child into the middle of all of that, but at the same time I'm disappointed. That was my niece or nephew.

Yesterday, I helped a friend move. I didn't contribute much because my back (see above statement) and knee are messed up so I mainly picked up the beer and coffee before hand and carried light weight items such as yarn stash and empty cd racks.
My knees been giving me problems ever since Ireland. I've had knee problems for years in that my kneecap is unstable and when the knee is bent the kneecap tends to track outwards instead of tracking straight. In Ireland while at the Guinness Brewery at their 7th floor Gravity Bar (which is all glass with gorgeous panoramic views of the Dublin area and the Wicklow Mountains) I got in line to take the elevator down. The woman in front of me in line was afraid of heights and on the verge of a panic attack. Since the elevators are all glass I figured it wouldnt get any better in there and I didnt want to be in the elevator with her if she had a panic attack so I took the stairs. Down all 7 floors. My left knee has been giving me problems ever since. Its gone between feeling weak and the tendons feeling strained ever since then and that was two and a half weeks ago. I know, I need to make an appointment to get in with my doctor. I'm just putting that off as much as I possibly can. I really don't want to deal with going to see my primary doctor, having to get a referral to an orthopedist, all of that stuff. I went through all of that a few years ago, went through the physical therapy (which only made it worse) and when I finallly got to see an orthopedic surgeon he essentially said I was too fat and wouldn't do anything. When I pointed out that as my knee has gotten worse my physical activity has been reduced resulting in me putting on more weight his response was "you're stuck between a rock and a hard place" and essentially said that he wouldn't see me again until I'd lost a significant amount of weight. I was in tears by the time I left his office. He had no bedside manner at all. I have new health coverage now, through a different medical group so I will have to start the process all over again beginning with meeting with my primary care physician. I'm not looking forward to it, probably afraid that I'll encounter the same lack of empathy that I did with the orthopedic surgeon I saw a few years ago.

OH, and, um... its only 75 days until I say "Adios" to my 20's.

Saturday, June 03, 2006

I Love the Weekends...

Friday I left work and drove to San Francisco to see RetroCat and her husband.
Friday night was a blast. We saw Craig Ferguson perform at Cobbs Comedy Club, and he was great. Its official, I now have a crush on the hilarious Scotsman.
At the show, vanilla vodka tonics were consumed and afterwards the supplies for the same cocktails were purchased. Yes, we took the party home with us.
Today, we slept in to recover. Afterwards I went to Urban Knitting where I was able to pick up a few cute patterns including two for my impending niece or nephew - one pattern is for a seamless sweater and the other is for two different crib blankets.
Tomorrow I'll be joining my knitting group for the first time in a few weeks, I'm looking forward to the knitting and drinking... we do meet at a pub after all.

Thursday, June 01, 2006